What makes a feel-good show? Bridget Everett has figured it out, via two tonally distinct personas. There is Bridget the downtown cabaret legend—spangled, sweaty, outrageously mesmerizing—who channels the collective id with lyrics like “What I gotta do to get that dick in my mouth?” Meanwhile, on Somebody Somewhere, her semi-autobiographical show now quietly winning hearts on HBO, she plays Sam, a forty-something woman adrift in her Kansas hometown, who comes alive at an after-hours variety show, belting out power ballads from her high school songbooks.
“Big tits with a tender underbelly? I think that's what they have in common,” Everett says, laughing. She is calling from home on the Upper West Side, not far from the restaurant jobs she juggled for years while building momentum onstage. (In addition to her 2015 Comedy Central special, Gynecological Wonder, she has toured with Amy Schumer, turned up in the original Sex and the City movie, and played a karaoke-slaying mother in 2017’s Patti Cake$.) The aforementioned bosom aside, there’s another elemental through line: “For Sam and for Bridget, there is a connection to the world through the world of music,” Everett says. And all of us—in the audience, on the couch—get to bask in the raucous glory.
The same is true for Everett in this three-day wellness diary, where ’70s soul warms up a frigid walk. “I have my songwriter group on Tuesday, and I do not have a song,” she says of her monthly meetup with a handful of friends, designed to light a creative fire under everyone’s ass. “If it were up to me, I would just lay on the couch and stare at the wall all day, so I need to have deadlines and goals.” The group also has a hook challenge—“which is some funny shit that somebody said at the previous songwriter’s. Like, I don't know, ‘Make me another drink, bitch,’ and you have to make that into a song.” It sounds like fodder for a future scene in Somebody Somewhere—the green light for season two having arrived at an auspicious time, as Everett details below. “A very, like, Rudy moment, carrying us off the field,” she says. “We were all so excited.”
Everett developed the half-hour series alongside showrunners Hannah Bos and Paul Thureen. “We didn't want to do a show that condescended to the Midwest, but was a reflection of the place where we all grew up,” says Everett, who, like her character, was raised in Manhattan, Kansas, with an alcoholic mother. There is a backdrop of grief and ennui, but offhand humor is everywhere. “It’s not like we’re writing jokes,” she says. “It’s more about how you crack your friends up”—a process made easy with castmates like longtime pals Murray Hill and Jeff Hiller.
“Mary Catherine [Garrison], who plays my sister in the show, we lived together for about eight years in the early 2000s,” says Everett, explaining her entrée into wellness. “She was really into that hippy-dippy shit. One eye I would roll, and the other one would be fixed on the label. Like, what’s she doing over there? Always healthy and full of energy.” Everett now has her own lineup of natural remedies, from tinctures to “Fredibles” (the show’s shorthand for weed gummies, after Murray Hill’s character Fred). “The name is so stupid but funny,” Everett says. “Mother Nature never disappoints!”
Tuesday, February 1
5:59 a.m.: I’m awake. Let me just lay here for a second and see if I can…
8:15 a.m.: I’m awake again. Should I let it stick? No.
9:30 a.m.: Okay, I have to pee. It’s undeniable. Just do it. Face the day. I have an ability to guess within about three minutes what the exact time is when I wake up in the middle of the night. But as the day progresses, I have no idea what time it is nor what day of the week it might be. Perimenopause or just luck? Who knows.
I make myself some hazelnut coffee because I’m a little baby girl who still likes that kind of thing. Toss in a little coconut creamer. I’ve diagnosed myself as lactose intolerant but only stick to that when I’m drinking coffee. Why? I don’t know!
11:30 a.m.: I just recently upped my probiotic habit to two a day (brand is Seed). Do I do it for myself and the health benefits? Sure, but also I want to make my doctor proud of me.
2 p.m.: I usually put on ’70s rare soul to amp myself up for some stepping. It’s been ice fucking cold here in NYC, so you better love what’s in your ears. Today’s playlist is Milton Wright, Friends & Buddies. Also checks the box of “great walking-down-the-street music.”
5 p.m.: Oh, is it 5 o’clock already? I light some candles, put on more music, and stare at the wall. Tonight is a DNDN: designated non-drinking night.
Wednesday, February 2
Noon: I have a Zoom with the Somebody Somewhere team. To beat my brain fog, I take some a dropper of Earthbar’s brain boost. Gotta back that up with zinc, D3, and a turmeric-ginger supplement. Helps those aching bones and tender tummy!
2 p.m.: Okay, it’s 2/2/22 at 2 p.m. Another Zoom with HBO, who just gave us a green light for season two! Losing my shit. Can’t believe it. Let’s party!
But first…
3 p.m.: I have a session with my trainer, Kirk Benjamin. I don’t see a mental health care professional of any kind, so this is my best shot at releasing stress. He’s also become a good friend, so we spend time hashing out what’s on our minds and then get to work. I know season two is coming now, so I can’t fuck around. Gotta get the bod in tip-top mint condition. He’s nailing me with “chops,” “uptowns,” and more pushups than I care to count. And I’m swearing like my mother. Kirk has given me my new favorite catchphrase: “Take a deep breath and remember who the fuck you are!”
5 p.m.: HAPPY HOUR! I meet my friend Zach at Nougatine at 4:45 p.m., so we can get corner bar seats right as doors open. And, also, so we can get started with the party and wrap it up in time for a respectable bedtime. We’re celebrating the season two green light with martinis and a fancy caviar toast they have. Gotta celebrate the moments!
7:30 p.m.: Uh oh! Zach wants to come over after happy hour. We drink some Rombauer chardonnay because we love the oaky, buttery kiss of a classic Californian chardonnay.
11:30 p.m.: As per usual, our night together has gone on a little longer than expected. Jason, Zach’s boyfriend, texts us to drink water. So we pound a couple glasses and hope for the best.
Thursday, February 3
Oh, it’s a day off!
10:30 a.m.: I finally get out of bed. And I’m very hungover. Like, ’90s-style hungover, which is when Zach and I became friends. I pound some more water. Take a ginger shot out of the fridge and let it burn its way down the back of my throat. I’M AWAKE! Scramble some eggs and light up an English muffin.
2 p.m.: I need to look at something pretty, so I go to Flowers on the Park for some tulips and daffodils. I need some beauty to look at while I ride out this hangover. It helps. Then I pop to Hudson & Charles for some chicken. There’s a guy there I think is cute. I always say, “Today is the day I’ll tell him my name or say hi.” But I’m too hungover to make that day today.
5:30 p.m.: Put on another singer I’ve just discovered: Tommie Young. Always want to make sure I set the mood for romance, even if it’s a solo weekend night. I just got some candles by Meloria. They are round and have such a pretty, soft glow and they don’t smell, which I love!
7 p.m.: Bathtime! My buddy, Murray Hill, just gave me some Ayurvedic bath salts by Dr. Singha, and I am all in.
8 p.m.: This is turning into some kind of spa night. Candles, music, bath, flowers: check. Gonna do an M-61 PowerGlow peel and see if I wake up tomorrow morning with lil baby girl skin. Moisten it up with some Dr. Sturm and Kiehl’s avocado eye cream. Boom! She’s ageless!
10:30 p.m.: Omg I drink tea now. What’s happening to me? Make some ginger-turmeric tea in a mug I stole from the set of NY1. She’s not the party girl she was in the ’90s anymore but she’s hydrated!
Midnight: Can’t sleep. Taking a spin on my favorite websites: socalpomrescue, ocpomrescue, recycledpoms. Lost my girl, Poppy, last year and am determined to find love again. Give me a tragic backstory and a heart of gold, and 2022 will be the best year yet!
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